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Engineer humor - 1

The car breaks down

There are four engineers traveling in a car: a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again" says the mechanical engineer.

"Well, it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should purge the fuel system" says the chemical engineer.

"I thought it might be a timing problem or maybe a faulty plug lead" says the electrical engineer.

They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and ask: "Well, what do you think ?"

"Ummm - I think we should get out of the car and then get back in again".

Human body 

Three guys were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

The first one stated: "It was a mechanician. Just look at all of the complex joints"

The next said: "No, it was an electrician. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections"

Then the last declared: "Actually, you're both wrong, it had to be an engineer! Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?"


In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.

The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens. He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention so he's let go.

The lawyer is put on the block and again the rope doesn't release the blade. He claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime so he is set free too.

They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says "Hey, wait a minute, I think I see your problem..."

Two Software Engineers 

Two software engineering students meet on campus one day.

The first engineer calls out to the other "Hey, nice bike! Where did you get it ? "

"Well" replies the other "I was walking to class the other day when a pretty, young girl rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says: you can have anything you want!"

"Good choice" says the first "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway".

Engineers & Accountants

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket ?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see" answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats, but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says "Ticket, please" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.

So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket ?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see" answers an engineer.

When they board the train, the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says "Ticket, please".

Engineer humor - 2

Engineer humor - 3