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Engineer humor - 2

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Engineer humor - 1

Y2K 

I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem makes any sense to me. At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all my calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following new months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk "

Programmers 

Comments made by Programmers when their programs don't work

  1. Strange...
  2. I've never heard about that.
  3. It did work yesterday.
  4. Well, the program needs some fixing.
  5. How is this possible?
  6. The machine seems to be broken.
  7. Has the operating system been updated?
  8. The user has made an error again.
  9. There is something wrong in your test data.
  10. I have not touched that module!
  11. Yes, yes, it will be ready in time.
  12. You must have the wrong executable.
  13. Oh, it's just a feature.
  14. I'm almost ready.
  15. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes.
  16. It will be done in no time at all.
  17. It's just some unlucky coincidence.
  18. I can't test everything!
  19. THIS can't do THAT.
  20. Didn't I fix it already?
  21. It's already there, but it has not been tested.
  22. It works, but it's not been tested.
  23. Somebody must have changed my code.
  24. There must be a virus in the application software.
  25. Even though it does not work, how does it feel?
  26. How come you didn't find it during the system testing?
  27. It's a setup problem.
  28. And the Ultimate: a smart user would never do that!

The castaway Engineer

An engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the craziest thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end, sat under same palm tree.

One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared.

"I'm from the other side of the island. Were you on the cruise ship, too ?" she said.

"Yes, I was. But where did you get that rowboat ?" he answered.

"Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree".

"But, what did you use for tools ?" asked the man.

"There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the tools. But, enough of that. Where have you been living all this time? I don't see any shelter " she said.

"To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach" he said.

"Would you like to come to my place?" the woman asked.

The engineer nodded dumbly. She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid and around a Palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

"It's not much, but I call it home" Inside, she said "Sit down please; would you like to have a drink ?"

"No, thanks" said the man. "One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!"

"It won't be coconut juice" the woman replied. "I have a crude still out back, so we can have authentic Pina Coladas". Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard ?"

"No" the man replied. "I was clean shaven all of my life until I ended up on this island" "Well if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet"

The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp. Next he showered, not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to get warm water into the bathroom, and went back downstairs. He couldn't help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he walked.

"You look great" said the woman. "I think I'll go up and slip into something more comfortable"
As she did, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada.

After a short time, the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias, returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned out of pounded palm fronds. "Tell me" she asked "we've both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely... is there anything that you really, really miss? Something that all men and woman need ? Something that would be really nice to have right now!"

"Yes there is !" the man replied, shucking off his shyness. "There is something I've wanted to do for so long. But on this island all alone, it was just... well, it was impossible"

"Well, it's not impossible, any more" the woman said.

The man, practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly: "You mean you actually figured out some way we can check our e-mail ?"

Engineer humor - 3


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